Dealing with Absurdity

PACSman: I am a consultant. I am paid an absurd amount of money to address questions my clients have about PAC systems they are looking at buying or contracts they are about to sign and other items of a similar ilk. If I don’t have the answers to the questions they have immediately I am expected to find these answers out within a reasonable timeframe. For being paid an absurd amount of money I also have to deal with absurdity at all levels on a daily basis…absurd sales claims, absurd systems that don’t perform as designed, absurd contracts – a Cirque du Soileil of absurdity.

I’ve also been called absurd many times before as well. Like the time I turned down a job that would have guaranteed me four times the income I make now; or when I told a potential client that they don’t need my services or anyone else’s for that matter – here is how to do it yourself for free; or when I told yet another client to walk away from a deal that seemed too good to be true. Of course the job would have required me to travel 80 percent of the time and that was a sacrifice I just wasn’t willing to make with two teenage sons still at home. There will be no Cats in The Cradle here. The “free” deal turned into a very lucrative contract years later when the client who recalled my honesty moved on to a bigger (and better) facility. And the client’s deal that was just too good to be true was, one that would have left the customer with a brand new unsupported half million dollar legacy system just a few months later had they signed it. So why am I struggling for answers tonight to a question that hasn’t been asked yet? Because I simply don’t have the answer I need and don’t think anyone else does either.

I just got back from a viewing for the mother of one of my youngest son Matt’s friends. I had never met this woman before and talked to her on the phone only once briefly. I know her oldest daughter who, at 15, is Matt’s age from his high school marching band where I see her and the 180 others every Friday night as the official photographer of the Marching Seminoles (you learn something new about the PACSman every day). I had never met her youngest daughter who is 10.

Now people live and people die every day, both younger and older than the 51 years this woman lived. That is a fact I can accept. But to die in the way she did was absurd. Police are investigating it now to determine if it was accidental or deliberate, but it involved a gun and a boyfriend at eight in the morning …yet until the facts are known we can only speculate. It’s bad enough that a mom has to die in such a horrendous way, but her two children’s last view of their mother should have been something other than her lying on the bedroom floor of her house with a gunshot wound. Which brings me to the question I haven’t been asked – yet – but for which there needs to be some answer – why?

I’ve read all the self-help books until I was blue in the face when going through some personal issues in years past – Kushner’s “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People,” Dobson’s “When God Doesn’t Make Sense,” and others of a similar ilk. Most tend to compartmentalize it all using stock answers that, at least to me, and seem to be completely trite. I’ve both heard them and tried to rationalize each and every one of them as well. “We are fallen people in a fallen world,” “It’s all part of God’s master plan.” But as a consultant I deal in facts and the fact here is this makes no sense. How does having a mother who pretty much raised her two girls alone being taken from them make any sense at all? And why now, when she recently left a lucrative career as an attorney in private practice to become a public defender just so she could spend more time with her kids? God’s master plan? Fallen people? Tell that to the kids left behind…and those of us who have to answer our own kids’ questions as well...

I dealt with this very same issue several years ago while working with St. Jude Children’s Hospital, asking the doctors there how they handled knowing a child was going to die. That too made no sense to me at all. Their answer seemed logical to me at the time – that more children leave here walking than any other way and those who don’t we learn from to help heal others – but when I got home and saw my own kids that logic just disintegrated. Faith like a mustard seed indeed…

It’s times like this I wish I wasn’t a consultant or at least not one who is so damn analytical because I know I won’t sleep tonight wondering what I’ll say if the question comes – “Why, dad?” It will be worse yet if the question never comes – not for Matt, but for me, because one of the beautiful things about being a consultant is I learn as much if not more from my clients than they ever do from me. Yet another PACS Secret revealed. Maybe if I listen to Matt, I might learn something still. Or maybe his silence says it all – his trust in what is and not questioning anything.

Some may say I’ve watched too many episodes of The X Files and their mantra “Trust no one” has been embedded in my brain. I wish it were that easy. Instead life lessons have taught me that trust is something that… well, I won’t go there. And for those who believe, know I am also very familiar with all 61 references to the words trust and God together in the Bible as well.
“The truth is out here” was another X-Files mantra. I’m sure it is….somewhere…. and I’m listening for it…but all I keep hearing are the words of Chris Rice’s song “Naïve” echoing in my head instead….…

“How long until You defend Your name and set the record right
And how far will You allow the human race to run and hide
And how much can You tolerate our weaknesses
Before You step into our sky blue and say "That’s quite enough!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

I hear that a God who’s good would never let the evil run so long
But I say it’s because You’re good You’re giving us more time, yeah
˜Cause I believe that You love to show us mercy
But when will You step into our sky blue
And say "That’s quite enough, and your time is up!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

Am I naive...
Can I believe...
And can I leave...in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You, to ask You, to ask You

How long?

Ms. PACS: These tragedies are like a broken record and instead of growing more sensitive, we become desensitized. The only good that can come out of it is that times like these cause us to reflect on our own lives and reevaluate our relationships.

You may have read the article, “Top 10 Reasons to Change Your PACS Vendor - SIIM News Spring 2007” by Chris Meenan and Paul Nagy, PhD (1), where they discuss how buying a PACS is a long-term commitment. They warn that shared values between you and your vendor and your company's direction may diverge, prompting you to ask the question: “are we right for each other?”

The second most important telltale sign on Meenan and Nagy's list was the "top 10 signs it's time to consider changing your PACS vendor." This is when you find yourself “buying PACS hardware on eBay.” Almost as sad as surfing Craig’s List on the sly for that special encounter. The authors note that while “older UNIX equipment has historically had great reliability,” they warn, “don't be lulled into a false sense of security.” As equipment ages, failure rates increase - there is no Cialis for this. And if your PACS vendor is no longer available in the general market, find a new one…but not on eBay.

In PACS as in life, we tend to hold on to things, people and concepts that are in reality a false sense of security. Not to trivialize the tragic loss to the family by any means, but these types of tragedies are almost commonplace in the news and in our neighborhoods. Why? In this case, the false sense of security for the family was protecting the home from outside invaders with a handgun. Once again, the security measure backfired. The fact is, a large number of handgun related deaths occur in a domestic setting and are the result of one family member or friend killing the other.

In 2005, 76.1% of all homicide deaths in the U.S. were caused by a firearm, according to National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (2). The next item on the list of homicide deaths was a “cut” or “pierce” which weighed in at a meager 10.1% comparatively. So when will it end? Never. As long as people in this country keep clinging to a false sense of security.

I live in what unfortunately is ranked in 2008 as the number one murder capital of the nation, according to USA Today. Many of you will be attending what is known as the "largest medical show in the world" very soon in this same city. The town earned this deplorable title largely due to the spiraling rate of handgun-related homicides. This type of urban environment can be likened to a modern day Wild West. Back then, outlaws met at high noon to have a pistol slinging show down in the middle of town, while merchants, women and children, and other passers-byers, originated the gaper’s block. What’s not so funny is that when you’re walking down the mean streets of any major city and some suburbs the outlaws these days lack the courtesy of formally challenging you to a face-to-face dual. No, they take you by surprise, and unless you’re Quick Draw McGraw, your handgun is more likely the nail in your coffin than in theirs.

By the way, the number one reason to find a new PACS vendor was a “Poor understanding of your needs.” Maybe that's the first step to dealing with absurdity.

Reference:
1. http://www.scar.rad.washington.edu/index.cfm?id=2538
2. http://webapp.cdc.gov/cgi-bin/broker.exe?_service=v8prod&_server=app-v-ehip-wisq.cdc.gov&_port=5082&_sessionid=qCTHRMaxK52&_program=wisqars.details10.sas&_service=&type=H&prtfmt=STANDARD&age1=1&age2=40&agegp=1-40&deaths=12830&_debug=0&lcdfmt=custom&ethnicty=0&ranking=10&deathtle=Death